If there is something most people dread, it is losing what we have. Losing our livelihoods, our loved ones, our careers – the list could go on forever. But the question is, if you were to lose everything, what would you actually lose? If you were to be hit by an incredibly long period of bad luck, going from one loss to the next, with no win in sight, how would you feel? And most importantly, how would you react to it all? Would you blame someone? Would you blame God? Would you blame your spouse, your family, the society? The government? Or would you take it as a chance to start anew? Let’s dive in together.
Loss Is Inevitable
Whether we talk about the loss of a loved one, the loss of fortunes or smaller losses that are just annoying and mess up our plans, losing something or someone, at some point in our lives is literally inevitable.
We are bound to experience some type of loss sooner or later. I touched on the topic of loss in my previous article on Depression. If you haven’t read it yet, you can find it here.
No matter how hard we try, if we haven’t already lost in life, we are about to. And if you think you haven’t, think about it a little bit: how many of your childhood friends are still your friends? Losing someone doesn’t necessarily mean them passing on. But they are no longer part of your life. Or maybe you lost an object. Something you held really dear. A gift from a loved one, that you treasured so much, yet in one moment of distraction, it disappeared. Or maybe a big amount of money, a bet, a chance to say how you felt to someone you only saw once in your life and then never again. We all lose. We lose more or we lose less. But the way we treat loss is what builds our resiliency and trains us to put value on the right things. On the right people. On the right events.
So Am I A Loser?
Here’s a thought you might be having right now: “Ok, we all lose… And I’ve lost a whole bunch of things, a whole bunch of people I considered friends. Heck, I’ve even lost my family because of a stupid mistake. So does that make me a loser?”
If that’s what you’re thinking or at least partially what crossed your mind, let me ask you a question. Has losing been everything you have done? Have you also won things? Have you won someone’s heart? Have you won someone’s trust? Have you won at cards or at videogames? Or have you maybe won a prize? I am pretty sure the answer would be a definite “YES” to at least one of those questions or maybe a similar one. So does that make you a winner then? Have you won more than you’ve lost? Do you need to calculate and do a side-by-side comparison to figure it out?
The truth is, you are what you tend to focus on. If you focus more on the losses you’re having, you probably feel like a loser. If you focus on the wins, you probably feel like a winner. Remember that we recently talked about your story and your identity in my recent articles. The things that define you are the things that you keep repeating to yourself. So be careful about what you think about yourself. About the adjectives you add after “I am”. Be careful about the story you tell others about yourself and about the story you tell to yourself. Because everything you think about yourself, even if it’s not yet true, will slowly come true. And soon enough, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I Lost Everything. How Do I Recover?
Let’s go back to loss for a moment. I am here talking to those who are at a low point in their life. If you’ve hit rock bottom, that usually comes because of some loss. Maybe you lost your job, your spouse, your livelihood. Any type of big loss is quite hard to get over. It takes a toll on our mental health and subsequently on our physical health. So the way we bounce back from such an event makes the difference.
So if you’ve lost everything, what did you actually lose?
People don’t really ask themselves this question. So what did you lose? Maybe you’ve lost a job that was your main source of income. Maybe you’ve lost the house you invested so much money and also memories in. Maybe you’ve lost your marriage. Or God forbid, all of them. Some of these things are material objects. Some of them might be conceptual. Some of them maybe spiritual. But the loss is in the things that defined you. I know it is hard. Certainly, I wouldn’t wish anything like this on anyone. But the truth is – if you’ve not lost your life, you’ve not lost anything. Unless you were born in the lucky sperm club and had a silver spoon in your mouth your entire life, it is very likely you made everything happen. You built your career to a certain level. You built your marriage. You built a house. You built an entire empire, no matter its size. So what did you lose? The things you built? Those are worthless if you consider the most valuable thing you still have – your skills. You still have all the resourcefulness you’ve used and all the resourcefulness you’ll need in order to get back to where you were and even higher.
Everything is literally in your power. If you face any loss, the way you treat it will determine how you recover and how you move forward.
As always, even when you hit rock bottom, you are in a good place. The mindset and conviction that you can still make things happen again, because you made them happen once before is what will motivate you to get back on your feet and go at it again. If you want any help picking yourself up and dusting yourself off, I am just a click away and I would be happy to help you! Find me on my socials @danielccoaching or just drop an email at support@danielccoaching.com. Everything is in your power. You’ve not lost anything. You’ve won experience!
Bless!
Daniel
Daniel C Coaching 